Embracing Change as We Age: Finding the Incline in Every Season of Life

With the death of Dolly Parton, I found myself thinking that Dolly was a standalone because everyone loved her. Even if you weren’t a fan of her music, you had to love her heart, honesty and compassion.

Her death also caused our nation, and perhaps the world, to view death in real time and face a reality none of us can escape: we are all going to die.

It’s hard to believe I’m eighty-three. And even though aging has been kind to me, I’m still aging!

One of the biggest challenges of growing older is accepting my inevitable decline while learning to hop onto a new incline as I move from child to parent, to grandparent, to great-grandparent, which I’m really looking forward to!

Facing the Fear of Change

The biggest obstacle to seeing and rejoicing in the new “incline” ahead of me is, plain and simple, fear.

I believe the majority of us fear change.

One tried-and-true way of dealing with fear is called exposure therapy. When it comes to change, that can mean spending time thinking about the inevitable changes coming our way and envisioning ourselves letting go, until the thought of those changes loses some of its power over us.

Things like:

I feel my competence declining.
“That is me.”

Those close to me begin to notice that I’m not as sharp as I used to be.
“That is me.”

Other people receive the social and professional attention I once received.
“That is me.”

I have to decrease my workload and step back from daily activities I once completed with ease.
“That is me.”

I may one day no longer be able to work.
“That is me.”

My kids have their own lives, and I may have to call them more often than they call me as they become absorbed in their own families and lives.
“That is me.”

From Decline to Incline

Fear makes us blind.

But if you can sit with your decline without fear, you may begin to see the incline waiting for you.

There is wisdom you must give.

There is the joy of watching your children have children, God willing.

There are relationships to deepen, things to learn, people to love and, perhaps most importantly, an opportunity to look more directly toward eternity.

That is not a phase to flee from. That is awesome!

Jesus tells us:

“Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”
Matthew 16:25

And THAT, my friend, is the key, not only to avoiding a midlife crisis, but to living every season of life fully.

We do not have to cling desperately to the life we once had.

We can embrace the life God is giving us now.

Now you know.

A Prayer for Letting Go

I will end today’s reflection with a prayer traditionally attributed to Cardinal Rafael Merry del Val:

Lord Jesus,

From putting my career before the people in my life, deliver me.

From distracting myself from life with work, deliver me.

From my drive to be superior to others, deliver me.

From the allure of the world’s empty promises, deliver me.

From my feelings of professional superiority, deliver me.

From allowing my pride to supplant my love, deliver me.

From the pains of withdrawing from my [career] addiction, deliver me.

From the dread of falling into decline and being forgotten, deliver me.

Amen.